HE is making MY LIFE an awesome SONG

HE is making my life an awesome SONG
I have been watching the VIDEO
Anticipating the AUDIO
And preparing my feet to DANCE!!!

A LITTLE STOCK CHECK

Healing can be incredibly intense at times and takes a lot of energy. Lately I’ve been so tired that I’ve not even been able to hold down a general conversation with anyone. I’ve not been done any active healing for a good few months but God has been beavering away in the background making me aware of issues and working on a very deep level inside. It feels much more passive and I’ve not been able to see progress in the same way than when I was actively working intensely a few months ago.

I have felt frustrated that I haven’t been able to see progress and felt bogged down. In many ways I am driven to heal. From deep inside something is driving me to heal, heal, heal and when I am not actively working on healing I feel like I am not healing and I get frustrated and fed up. But that is not a true picture of things.

A couple of days ago Jesus reminded me of how shut down and locked up inside I was just a few short months ago and showed me just how far I have come.

I have to say that I am amazed at how safe I am with Jesus now and at how deeply I trust Him now. In return Jesus has said to me many times that He never ceases to be astounded at the depth of my trust in Him, that I just won’t quit and also that even during the quiet times when it doesn’t seem like much is happening, healing is still going on, just in a different way. I have to admit that He is right, thank you Jesus for speaking so gently and tenderly to me and for refocusing me and showing me how far I’ve come.


18 November 2009

MEDITATION ON PSALM 139 v 14

I came across this short meditation on Psalm 139:14. It really spoke to me and I thought I’d share it.

Psalm 139: 14 - “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made”

We can only imagine the concentrated thoughts that occupied the divine Mind and the gentle, skilful touch of the divine Hand that first shaped man from the dust.

Where did the Creator begin?

Did He start with a skeletal frame? Did He then cover it with an outside layer of skin, which at no place is thicker than three-sixteenths of an inch, is packed with nerve endings to enable man to feel the outside world, and is virtually waterproof.

Into the skin stretched over the frame did He next place the heart that pumps seventy-two times a minute, forty million times a year?

When did He hang the lungs in their sealed compartments so that the rivers of blood necessary for life can deposit the carbon dioxide and pick up oxygen to be carried to every single one of the more than twenty-six trillion cells in the body?

When did He place the brain inside the bony skull and program it to send messages that travel faster than three hundred miles an hour along the nervous system to the entire body?

Truly, we are fearfully and wonderfully and lovingly and personally created by an awe-inspiring, loving Creator!!

GOD'S WORD SETTLED IN HEAVEN

Dr Martyn Lloyd-Jones writes:- “It is the spirit and the word, the spirit upon the word, and the spirit in us as we read the word.

You say it’s impossible, God says “what is impossible with men is possible with God” Luke 18:27

You say I’m exhausted, God says “Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength” Isaiah 40: 31

You say nobody loves me, He says “I have loved you with an everlasting love” Jeremiah 31: 3

You say I can’t go on, He says “My grace is sufficient for you” 2 Corinthians 12:9

You say I don’t know what to do, He says “He shall direct your paths” Proverbs 3:6

You say I can’t do it, He says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” Philippians 4: 13

You say it’s not worth it, He says “we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” Galatians 6:9

You say I can’t forgive myself, He says “in Christ God forgave you” Ephesians 4:32

You say I can’t make ends meet, He says “God shall supply your every need” Philippians 4:19

You say I’m afraid, He says “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power” 2 Timothy 1:7

You say I can’t handle this, He says “Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you” Psalm 55:22

You say I’m not smart enough, He says “if you need wisdom, ask God for it” James 1:5

You say I’m all alone, He says “I will never leave you or forsake you” Hebrews 13: 5


Reproduced from UCB “Word for Today” Fri 6 Nov 2009

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD

When your world is suddenly turned upside down, remember, God’s plans for your life haven’t been cancelled. When you feel trapped with no way out, here are some things to remember.

1. LOOK FOR THE RIVER – “There is a river whose streams make glad” Psalm 46:4. In Old Testament symbolism rivers represent God’s supply for your every need. When every human source of supply dries up, don’t fear, look for the river.
2. LOOK FOR THE CITY – God has planted His “city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells” Psalm 46: 4. Right in the middle of your circumstances, God’s city, the symbol of His presence and power, guarantees He’s still in control and that He will restore peace and order to your troubled world.
3. LOOK FOR THE SIGNS OF GOD’S PRESENCE – “God will help you at break of day” Psalm 46:5. Daybreak is a symbol of new beginnings. It gives confidence that beyond this time of trouble and testing a new day is at hand. “Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.” Lamentations 3: 23
4. COME, SEE THE WORKS OF THE LORD – Based on the tested and proven foundation of His power and faithfulness, you can live by the scriptures. “Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10


Reproduced from UCB “Word for Today” Weds 4 Nov 2009

DANCING WITH GOD

When I meditated on the word “Guidance”
I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right
The movement doesn't flow with the music, everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky
When one person realizes that and lets the other lead, both begin to flow with the music
One gives gentle cues, a nudge to the back or pressing lightly in one direction or another
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully
The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness
From one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other
My eyes drew back to the word “Guidance”
When I saw "G” I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i"
"God, "u" and "i" dance
God, you, and I dance
Once again I became willing to trust I would get guidance about my life
Once again, I became willing to let God lead
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies are upon you
On this day and everyday
May you abide in God, as God abides in you
Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you
Through each season of your life
And keep dancing!!!

HE'S CRAZY ABOUT YOU

A POSITIVE THOUGHT

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring, and a sunrise every morning.

Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen.
He could live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

What about the Christmas gift He sent you in Bethlehem ;
not to mention that Friday at Calvary .
Face it, He's crazy about you.

I AM IS WITH YOU

Since Jesus last spoke into my pain and said to me “I am with you” He began to say “Beloved, I Am is with you”. He has spoken those words many times in many contexts and I sense that there are many layers to “I Am is with you”. At its most basic but also most profound “I Am” is the always present companion who always has been and always will be. Jesus is “I Am”, not I was, or I may be or I will be, but I Am. The presence of “I Am” in my life brings stability where there would otherwise be none, and wow, what a difference that makes to me.

During the last few weeks I’ve been going through real tough times, relationships important to me have been messed up causing me a lot of confusion and uncertainty. To be honest I don’t quite know how it all happened. All I do know is that for once, I was not the cause. Sometimes we’re not allowed to see what is going on in other people’s lives to understand what is happening and that was the case here. The only thing I could do was to hold on to Jesus tenaciously and weather the storm. For a few days I shut down because of the pain. When I realised I had shut down I asked Jesus to gently prise me back open so I could receive from Him. That is the first time I’ve ever done that, so just in responding to shutting down in that way shows progress has been made. Several days followed when I could not speak to Jesus because of the total confusion there was in my mind and my emotions. Jesus was there with me in that dark confusion and He understood totally. Eventually I was finally able to let Jesus speak in to that confusion, and to hear His comfort and receive all He had to say. This is how He brought me out of that place:-

Jesus says that He understands utterly and knows all about the confusion and jumbled thoughts and feelings, He knows how angry and hurt I’m feeling and He’s never left me, He’s been there all the time even when it all felt so dark, He was there in the darkness, He loves me dearly and wants me to know that He loves me even when I am confused and hurt and don't know what to say, He knows I've been thinking about Him a lot and crying out to Him in my thoughts, He’s heard every cry to Him and He is giving me His peace to help make that confusion and turmoil go away, He says He thinks I've been doing real good and He is proud of me, I'm His little girl and He’s been hurting because His little girl has been hurting, He will make it all alright, He's saying look up and look around
I've been sitting here just looking down wrapped in my thoughts, I look up to find myself looking straight into His eyes that are smiling at me, He is kneeling in front of me and saying how precious I am to Him and it is going to be ok, He has a butterfly on the end of His finger, it is the most beautiful butterfly and He just says watch her, I am watching her flying up to the sun and my heart is flying there with her, she is so free and so beautiful, I wish I could feel so free inside
He just said you will, you will one day
I somehow feel freer just watching her
He says when bad things happen it’s so easy to get locked into what happened and all the bad feelings but there is a bigger picture and He’s so proud of me that I didn't completely shut down because that enabled Him to start working on getting His peace in place and He is gradually building in more and more peace till all the confusion and turmoil goes, He says I done well
Well, if Jesus says it'll be okay then it’ll be okay
Jesus wants to give me more of His peace and assure me of His presence with me, that He has not left me and never will and that He is at work in the background working things out, He is not angry with me or disappointed with me, no, no, He takes great delight in me, His beloved, He understands me through and through and knows how I respond to things and why and He is working on changing how I respond to things, every time something happens it is an opportunity for Him to work on my responses and to show me His presence with me, He just loves pouring out His love on me, He loves every opportunity that comes along to just pour out His love and acceptance on me, I am totally loved and accepted by Him whatever happens that doesn't change and that's what He wants me to grasp hold of today, I can be secure in that, I am more secure in that that I was, He is saying, I have begun to grasp it and He wants that grasp to go a little deeper today, I can be secure in that, I am more secure in that that I was, He is saying, I have begun to grasp it and He wants that grasp to go a little deeper today, He is saying you have come further than you think you have.

I then came across the following passage:- “There are so many unknowns and much mystery. If you do not walk by faith, you will fail. But with your faith, which I have amply supplied, you will achieve the impossible. The complexity is too great. If ever there was a time for boldness and confidence, this is it. Find MY presence and live in it. It is all you need and you already have it by faith. Just walk in it. I want you seeing this from MY point of view. I am seated high above and can see both sides clearly. I can see all hearts and intentions. LOOK AGAIN FROM WHERE I AM. You have been looking at the problem through eyes that meet only your own purposes. Look again from where I am. Go beyond yourself. Meet the situation more than half way. MY way is to go the extra mile. MY way is to heap blessings on those who are offended. They will be so surprised when you do. In the long run you will come out of the problem with much more than you put in. I love you. Walk the high road. “

20 Oct 2009

I AM WITH YOU

The last few days I’ve been walking through what has been like a very dark cloud full of pain and tears. The pain too deep to even know what it was about or what part of me was hurting. The tears were like someone had turned a tap on and the washer had got stuck and the tap couldn’t be turned off. No matter how hard I tried to stop crying the tears just poured all the more

It was very hard to sense Jesus in that dark cloud. All I could do was to hold on to His words to me that He would never ever leave me or forsake me, both in scripture and personally spoken to me

Then this afternoon Jesus tenderly spoke four words to me – ‘I AM WITH YOU’

Those four words transformed my day and light came into the darkness as assurance flooded in

I love the tenderness of Jesus. His tenderness reaches down into the deepest parts of me. So often I sit with Him and begin to cry just because of His sheer tenderness and understanding

He spoke those four words with such unmistakable tenderness, understanding and reassurance but also with incredible authority too. It is hard to describe, it really is, so much was wrapped up in those four words. But His tender compassion reached out to me today and broke through the pain

I believe that Jesus wants to speak those words to you as you are sitting reading this

Do you feel all alone in your hurt? If you do, listen for His tender voice and let His tender love, understanding and compassion reach in and say ‘I AM WITH YOU’

24 Sep 2009

I Know You Through and Through

I know you through and through. I understand you well so you can come to ME with all your questions, all your struggles. I know you, you do not have to explain, I understand you and I know how you are. I know your thoughts, your feelings, because I have made you, I know how you think and why you think like this.

I will give you a deep revelation of my love because your thoughts are sometimes so busy and your thoughts are sometimes guided by influences of yourself.

I will teach you, I will show you the way. I will give you rest. But just trust ME. I know who you are. I know what you think. I know how you feel. I know it all. If you trust me, if you really dare to let go everything and if you trust me, I will give you love so large that MY love in you will remove fear.

I am love. If you see ME, see MY eyes full of love. Therefore, any thought that you would have that I do not love you, is a lie for I AM love. Every thought, every feeling that I'm not there for you is a lie.

I am your Father, I AM made you, I AM your Creator. If you dare to trust ME, if you dare to be guided by MY word, if you dare to be guided by what I in MY word say to you, and what MY Spirit in your heart submit, you will see MY Word is reliable. Trust ME, dare to lay your life in MY hands. Dare to let go everything and as a child, to see ME. I answer your questions.

It’s ME, I AM.

It’s not what you think. Not what you try to find out. I want to teach you MY child. Rest in ME. Let your mind just to unwind. Let your mind but loose because I AM your answer. I AM, and I will help you. I AM there for you. I speak to you and I have a plan for your life. I have a much higher way for you, a road much nicer; a road where you'll find ME really, you were not meant to wander around, you're not a sheep who must find the grass to eat.

I want to guide your life, I want you to give you direction, you would never have to search for clear water, or to enjoy fresh green grass. If you trust ME, you will know much happiness in your life because I am joy.

If you really look for ME without adhering to the old, without adhering to what others offer you, but if you really want MY heart, if you really want MY searches, if you let your heart out to ME, so I can let you know ME, then you will know true happiness.

JESUS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL

He shines brighter than the most radiant Sun, He is live forever, exalted far above all powers, so much stronger than anything that exists. Its light is so beautiful that it dispels the deepest darkness. He is the King above all kings. He has perfect and eternal dominion. Nothing and nobody can match him.

There are billions of angels, endless armies of mighty angels, cheering and dancing before Him in pure awe and admiration. Jesus is the ultimate joy of the Father. HE is the joy of the people and of the angels.

He was with the Father before creation and He is exalted higher than any one or any thing that has a name. He reigns over all powers, powers, authorities and dominions. His light is the life for humanity.

He is the saviour, the Redeemer, powerful healer, the sublime master in everything. Nothing or nobody can match him. His beauty is staggering and devastating. Evil differs in fear for his brilliant appearance.

He is righteous and pure in everything he does, says and thinks. He is the light of the world. His word is like a torturous fire that destroys the sin. A sharp two-edged sword from his mouth which he strikes the earth and kill the beast. He is the great alarmist in the darkness and ushers in great joy in the people who love him. It changes everything, turns everything upside down. Who is like Jesus? Risen from the dead, forever risen, reigning without end. I love Jesus so much! He is our King, our Lord, the perfect winner! He gives us victory and makes the future beautiful and hopeful.

Words are falling too short; He is real and so strong, sweet, pure, joyful, bright, for our natural understanding but He has given us that understanding in His salvation of redeeming love.

He is here. Hallelujah!! The angels are in awe of Him. Open our eyes Lord that we are amazed and speechless with passion by you, to see with the eyes of the Holy Spirit.

WONDERFUL AND TIMELY ENCOURAGEMENT

I went down to the estuary to spend time with Jesus because I had a pull in my spirit to do so. He met with me there and we had a very special time which I had to record.

Firstly I met with Jesus in the garden, and we walked a while then sat on a bench and I sat with Him and loved on Him and cried while He just loved on me and reassured and comforted me. He then asked me if I wanted to go and see Daddy and I knew I just had to say yes, so I did.

I found myself walking into the throne room of heaven and running up to where my Daddy was on the throne. I went and sat across His knees for a while. I asked Him to hug me and He enveloped me in His arms and held me sooooo tight. Daddy said how delighted He was that I asked Him for a hug and said much He loves to hug me and to come often and ask Him to hug me, I am not a burden to Him, but a pure delight.

I then saw myself as a child walking hand in hand with Daddy through a field of corn in a wide open space somewhere in heaven. I was running my hand across the tops of the corn and taking the tops of as we walked and ran. Daddy lifted me up onto His shoulders which I just loved so much. We had a real fun, daddy and daughter time together. It was wonderful. We walked down by a river and sat and talked and had a picnic while the water meandered past. Then I found myself with Daddy walking into a room in heaven and there was Jesus. Daddy said how much He enjoyed His time with me but now Jesus had something special for me.

Jesus held His arms wide open to me and I ran into them and really enjoyed His loving hug. He was dressed in a flowing blue robe, the colour of the blue was amazing, translucent and shimmering, with a purple and maroon edging to it. Ah the colours were just so incredible to see.

Jesus reminded me that maroon is symbolic of His blood covering over me, purple is the colour of royalty and blue is the colour of revelation/prophetic and that He has fresh revelation for me. He said that I am now in a new season of my life, of increased revelation which will accelerate my healing.

I looked down at myself and realised that I was wearing a gown which was maroon and purple with gold edging. He said it was the finest gold which has been purified in the fire of the hard dark places of my life. I felt a million dollars in that gown and Jesus said that I looked a million dollars in it.

Jesus said to me that the robe is mine together with the other robes and gowns He has dressed me in during previous visits to heaven. He said there are many others and that there is a wardrobe full of them waiting for me in my mansion, together with crowns and tiaras. I realised my hair was shimmering and full of the dust from precious gem stones and gold and silver. The whole of me just shimmered, ah it was lovely and I was able to appreciate how beautiful I looked, and Jesus talked about my beauty too.

He took me into a mini war room and I saw on the wall a timeline of my life up to date and I realised that indeed my times are in His hand and He missed nothing. I knew that there were blueprints on the table that was spread before me, but I didn’t get to closely see them.

Jesus then showed me ministering to people, speaking and praying with and for people, holding and hugging and loving on people as I prayed for them. I saw that I operated in words of knowledge and just knew what was wrong with people as I looked at them and ministered to them, they did not have to tell me what to pray for, or what their need was, I just knew. I realised that I was ministering alongside a man, and knew that we were in ministry together. He was the gentlest, kindest, most loving and patient man I had ever known. There were many angels as we ministered, healing and ministering angels. I ministered with quiet authority, calm reassurance and gentle love. I was awed as He showed me that.

Jesus said He was showing me whole and healed and walking in the ministry He had for me of ministering to broken lives bringing the peace, hope and healing of Jesus to people through the testimony of my restored life.

He said He showed me it to give me some hope back that I am going to be healed. I am in the middle of the process at the moment, but there will be a day when I will move out of my own healing into working together with Daddy, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to bring healing to other broken people. And He said He is so proud of me, how I am sticking with the process and pushing through refusing to get bogged down or stuck in a rut of pain. He is so very proud of me and so is daddy.

“So take heart daughter, lift up your eyes, lift up your head and be encouraged my sweet, you are doing fantastically well, be proud of yourself, for we sure are. We are so delighted with your progress, really pleased with you.”

3 Sep 2009

ISAIAH 49:2

I was highlighting passages in Isaiah in my relatively new Amplified Bible today. Because of all the religious abuse I still find it very hard to pick up a bible and read for anything beyond 2 or 3 minutes. So this is a non threatening way for me to pick up a bible and take in something from it as I go along. Well as I was doing that today I came across an absolute peach of a verse which so encouraged me. It is a real nugget which shone a huge ray of light into my dark places today. Sometimes it is hard to figure out what is really going on when you are going through dark days. But Jesus used this verse to so encourage me and I believe also to show me just what has been going on the last few days from His viewpoint.

So here it is:-

Isaiah 49:2
"In the shadow of His hand has He hid me and made me a polished arrow; in His quiver has He kept me close and concealed me."

31st Aug 09

GOD LOVES YOU TOO MUCH TO LEAVE YOU ALONE

God never abandons us while in process. That means that He is always working in me so that I can walk in the dreams that He has given me!

"He who began a good work in you will complete it..." [Phil. 1:6]

He has promised never to leave me, forsake me or leave me comfortless and He tells me that He’s got great plans for me [Jeremiah 29]

So no matter how black things get I have those promises in His word to hold on to, and many like them.

Things have been very black lately, but He has a way of giving me a little nugget here and a little nugget there which shines a bright light on my dark path, comfort me and give me the strength I need to keep going.

And He gently reminds me that He isn’t finished with me yet and that my hopes and dreams and my healing process are safe in His hands.

YES GOD LOVES ME TOO MUCH TO LEAVE ME ALONE

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WERE A BUNCH OF TINY FROGS

Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs.... who arranged a running competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants.... The race began....honestly: No one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower. You heard statements such as: "Oh, WAY too difficult!!" "They will NEVER make it to the top." or: "Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"

The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one....

Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher..

The crowd continued to yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up....but ONE continued higher and higher and higher....this one wouldn't give up!

At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog, who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top! THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it? A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?

It turned out.... That the winner was DEAF!!!!

The wisdom of this story is: Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic....because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the ones you have in your heart!

Always think of the power words have. (There's life and death in the power of the tongue – Proverbs 18:21.) Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions! Therefore: ALWAYS be.... POSITIVE!

And above all: Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfil your dreams!

Always think: God and I can do this! If you fall down 10 times, stand up 10 times.

HE IS GOD

He Is God, He is the First and Last, The Beginning and the End!

He is the keeper of Creation and the Creator of all! He is the Architect of the universe and the Manager of all times. He always was, He always is, and He always will be ... unmoved, Unchanged, Undefeated, and never Undone!
He was bruised and brought healing! He was pierced and eased pain! He was persecuted and brought freedom! He was dead and brought life! He is risen and brings power! He reigns and brings Peace! The world can't understand him; the armies can't defeat Him; the schools can't explain Him, and the leaders can't ignore Him. Herod couldn't kill Him; the Pharisees couldn't confuse Him; the people couldn't hold Him! Nero couldn't crush Him; Hitler couldn't silence Him; the New Age can't replace Him and "Oprah" can't explain Him away!
He is light, love, longevity, and Lord. He is goodness, Kindness, Gentleness, and God. He is Holy, Righteous, mighty, powerful, and pure.
His ways are right, His word is eternal, His will is unchanging, and His mind is on me. He is my Saviour, He is my guide, and He is my peace! He is my Joy, He is my comfort, He is my Lord, and He rules my life!
I serve Him because His bond is love, His burden is light, and His goal for me is abundant life.
I follow Him because He is the wisdom of the wise, the power of the powerful, the ancient of days, the ruler of rulers, the leader of leaders, the overseer of the overcomers, and is to come. And if that seems impressive to you, try this for size.
His goal is a relationship with ME! He will never leave me, never forsake me, never mislead me, never forget me, never overlook me and never cancel my appointment in His appointment book!
When I fall, He lifts me up! When I fail, He forgives! When I am weak, He is strong! When I am lost, He is the way! When I am afraid, He is my courage! When I stumble, He steadies me! When I am hurt, He heals me! When I am broken, He mends me! When I am blind, He leads me! When I am hungry, He feeds me! When I face trials, He is with me! When I face persecution, He shields me! When I face problems, He comforts me! When I face loss, He provides for me! When I face Death, He carries me Home!
He is everything for everybody everywhere, every time, and every way. He is God, He is faithful. I am His, and He is mine!
My Father in heaven can whip the father of this world. So, if you're wondering why I feel so secure, understand this... He said it and that settles it. God is in control, I am on His side, and that means all is well with my soul.

Everyday is a blessing for GOD Is!

Encounter Me, Encounter My Love

When you were born says the Lord I WAS THERE!

Before you drew your first breath I thought of you!

When you took your first step I watched with great delight

OH how I love you says the Lord

I am your God, I do NOT change

Please walk with me today, give me your complete heart.

ENCOUNTER ME, ENCOUNTER MY LOVE

Come Away With Me

Come away with Me, says the Lord.
Deliberately find the place of peace and rest in Me.
Life's demands and difficult circumstances
Have taken more energy than you realize
So you need to hide yourself in the secret place
Where you can be restored
This will not happen automatically;

You must be still in your body

Quiet your thoughts and emotions

In order to come to the place of restoration and healing.

20 Aug 09

THE IMPORTANCE OF THE BUTTERFLY

look at the butterfly, there is only one like it in the whole universe and that is you

yes that is true

you weren't created to fit in anyone’s box period, bless them and be yourself, you are a gift and not to be tampered with to conform to someone else’s idea of who you should be, look like, etc.

I noticed today how much confidence the butterfly has now in the way she moves, she isn't tentative any more

that is because she is the mirror of you, she is how you are seen by those who have eyes to see, and every time you notice something about her it is the reflection of what He has done in you

right, yes

it might be a bit hard to digest at first but it is the truth

yes, it is very profound

when more and more of the negativity that was spoken over you is removed from you, the truth that replaces it will show in the butterfly to you, she represents the hope and life He is building in you, and when you look and notice her you see the healing manifested in her that is inside of you

yes and the freedom to be who I am uninhibited by stuff

yes and not afraid to be you wherever you are, you are awesome and you are going to be a blessing to many and help countless others to be free as you are being made free

um yes, those who have the eyes to see what God is doing here, see it

15 Aug 09

THE BUTTERFLY AND DADDY

I've not been able to see the butterfly properly for a few days now, not since I last drew her

her=you, let Jesus give you a fresh vision of the butterfly

yes, she is bigger than I remember her, she has grown since I last saw her

yes see how He continues to cause her to grow with each healing, you were meant to fly in the heavenlies

yes, she doesn't seem quite as fragile

the more healing, the more growth and strength will cause higher flight in the heavenlies, above all that is down here

I was watching her fly and thinking she was flying higher than she was and staying longer at those heights too, not just ducking down and then up again

yes where you were created to be, far above seated with Christ

yes she seems to want to fly closer and closer to the sun

yes because the Son is the light of the world

yes, I need Him to bring warmth to those cold places inside me, and to bring light to those dark places inside

have you gone to the throne room lately?

no, not for while

He is doing that for you

I was reminded by a picture I saw yesterday, reminded me of the marble steps and the angels lining the steps

try to go and spend some time there in your rightful place, get more used to being there, from there you can call down to the places in your life "prepare the way for the LORD"

yep, He said to me it is only a step away from the gardens

yes and where you were created to spend eternity

yes I get so caught up in the pain and the hurt and the memories and the trauma and so on that I forget who I really am, at the same time as I am sitting in the swing in the garden I am also seated in heavenly places with Jesus, and at the same time that I am stuck in the sinking sand of all the hurt and trauma I am also soaring high in the heavenlies as that butterfly

yes and learning to live in the spirit now as He is mending your soul

and staring open mouthed at the translucent rainbow above the throne and at the angels whose only joy is the do the will of their Master

are you feeling invited to go closer to Abba?

standing on the marble steps, staring at the legs and feet of Father God longing one day to crawl up there and be safe on His knee

you can go right now, no need to wait, is He not looking at you with outstretched arms?

yes His arms are reaching down to me

reach to Him

yes His arms are lifting me, all encompassing me, His beloved, His Beloved daughter who longs to feel like a daughter, to feel safe and loved, to know that her daddy is safe and won't hurt her, just longs to know that daddy is safe

He is

His embrace is so soft yet so strong at the same time, I dare to look up into His face and see such kindness there, such kind eyes

so my daughter, you have made it, you have finally come, I have waited a long time for you to come, have so longed for you to come and find that I am safe that I am not stern and out to punish you, my precious daughter, oh how I love you, it is so wonderful that you are here now, you are my daughter and no one will ever be able to take you away from me for ever and ever, you are mine, my door is always open to you my dear one, my arms are always available for a hug, I am welcoming you home to my heart, my dear one, an orphan no more but a daughter, not only a daughter but a princess, but most of all a daughter, a daughter who is so loved and so wanted, you are my precious daughter and I am your daddy, a safe daddy, yes my child a safe daddy, and you are my delightful daughter whose beauty I find breathtaking and who I crafted from nothing for me to love and cherish and care for, that is right, oh how I cherish you my dear one, you are always welcome, always welcome, there is never a moment when I am not watching over you because you mean so very much to me, oh how I have longed to hold you and tell you how much I love you, how cherished you are, how precious you are to me my daughter, let your heart rest from it's labours to be loved and accepted, you are totally loved and accepted by me, and so very wanted, it is ok to be you because you are just so amazing when you are just you, you are no longer an orphan, your heart has found it's home with daddy, I know you will not fear me again and I know that you will come running to me now because you know how loved you are by me, and most of all you know that I am safe, totally safe, you are not alone any more, you have a daddy here who loves you beyond words and you have a home here in my heart, you have come a long way my dear one, there was a time when you could not speak my name, then you could call me papa and then daddy, oh how it filled my heart with joy the first time you called me daddy, I was so thrilled at that, oh I was so thrilled I leapt for joy and danced a wild dance of celebration because it was such a big thing for you to be able to call me daddy, and now you are here sitting on my knee staring in to my eyes, listening to me with rapt attention, trying to take it all in and not miss anything, you know you can come back here any time you need to, I will never turn you away, I will never be too busy for you and I will always want to see you, I will always be delighted to see you because you are my child, my precious daughter and I've always time for you my dear one, the more you come the easier it will get, and one day you will look me in the eyes and say father, my father, but for now daddy is so wonderful because it is such a wonderful and big step for you, I know father is still a scary word and conjures up all sorts of stuff for you, but it is so wonderful to hear you say, papa, daddy, it is so truly wonderful to have you here my beloved daughter, it is such a delight for me to have you here, you give me so much pleasure and delight just by being here and just by being you, my daughter, my precious daughter

my daddy, my wonderful daddy it is so wonderful to hear you call me daughter, it does something so wonderful inside of me to hear you say my beloved daughter, I know I belong when I hear you call me daughter and I so need to belong

yes my daughter, you belong, you really do belong and no one will ever take you away from me, you are my cherished daughter for ever and ever and ever and oh how I cherish you

you are my daddy now and you will always be my daddy for ever and ever, I want you to be my daddy for ever and ever and ever

oh my beloved daughter to hear you say that tells me that you are really feeling safe with me and that is wonderful

yes daddy I am feeling safe with you and wishing I hadn't taken so long to come and find my home in you

oh that doesn't matter now my daughter, you are here now, and that is what matters

mmmmm it is lovely to be here

it is wonderful to hear that sigh of contentment, my love has taken away all your fear and that is wonderful to hear in your voice all that fear is gone

yes it is, wow, it sure is and all that uncertainty is gone too

oh how I love you my daughter, oh I love you, oh how I cherish you, oh how I delight in you, oh how I love you

such kindness, such incredible kindness and gentleness

so you see I am not this aloof figure who is out to trip you up and cane you

yes you are so full of love for me it is overwhelming

you are my beloved daughter, your wandering heart has found its home, to wander no more, your heart that has so longed for love has found a love it could never have imagined, and your heart which has so longed to belong and fit, belongs and fits in a way that can never be taken away from you or destroyed, oh you are healing so well my daughter, you really are doing really well, your daddy is very proud of you precious daughter, daddy is so very, very proud daughter

thank you daddy, just thank you

7 Aug 2009

HI DADDY

Hi Daddy, I am so glad that I can call you Daddy now and I am so glad too that you don’t mind that tears are welling up and beginning to fall as I say Daddy, Daddy

My dear Fiona, my precious treasure, I am so happy that you are able to come to me and call me Daddy now, I know that you are still exploring that and getting used to it, and that is ok, I know the journey you are on and how hard it has been for you to reach this point, I understand utterly and I understand the tears too, you are no longer an orphan my sweet, but it is going to take a long time for you to heal from that and stop feeling like an orphan and to begin to feel like a daughter and to take your place as a daughter, as my daughter, but that is ok, I understand, remember every tear is bottled and I see my Son wiping those tears away with His fingers, My Son and Holy Spirit are doing a fantastic job and I am so proud of you for persevering and not giving up, take heart sweet daughter, I am very proud of you and I understand, and I am dancing and jumping up and down because you are finally able to just call me Daddy, that is a huge breakthrough my dearest one, a huge breakthrough and I am so enjoying it, I really am, this is so wonderful, I am so thrilled, it is ok my daughter, it is ok, come to me as you are and let me love that pain and emptiness away

Thank you Daddy, I love you and I am so happy too that I can call you Daddy now, it still feels strange and sounds strange to me, but somewhere deep inside it feels wonderful too

Yes my daughter, deep in that orphan part of you there is a dawning realisation that you do have a Daddy, it will take time, but we have all the time in the world, this work of healing that My Son is doing is a thorough job, no short cuts and no sticking plasters, let Him and Holy Spirit do their work and don’t worry about the tears, they are all part of the healing process and are to be welcomed and accepted not feared and loathed, you are doing really well precious daughter, and I am enjoying you exploring your new Daddy and getting used to calling me that

Daddy my precious Daddy, thank you, just thank you for understanding

My dear sweet daughter, oh how I love you, oh how I love you

2 Aug 2009

HEALING CONTINUES, EVEN AS I REST

During the last couple of months I’ve been resting from active healing work and consolidating my progress. I had got tired and drained. I discovered that it isn’t possible to keep healing at that pace and intensity indefinitely and have been taking time out from that depth of healing work. I have though kept working away at stuff as it’s come up and have learned to look after myself better and to lean on Jesus and let Him take more of the strain than I have done so far. I’ve been slowly, little by little, learning to call on Jesus and the angels to come and sweep away the darkness that threatens to overwhelm my mind, and also to use the authority that I have over the darkness too. I’ve been drawing during this time. Doing art work has been great fun and healing too as I have drawn the butterfly from different perspectives. Each time I draw it, it is different which reflects that every time I see the butterfly it looks different to me.
Recently I went to a conference in Torquay and God really broke through into big areas of pain in my life during that time. I also was able to go deeper into dancing during worship using flags during the worship time, now that was really powerful and sooooo healing too!! Although I worshipped with the flags so much that my arms ached like crazy for a few days!! Here are my notes are what happened:-

On the second night of the conference Patricia King of Extreme Prophetic talked about her recent trip to Thailand where the ministry works among those caught up in the sex trade in Bangkok and Pattaya. She talked for half an hour going into the finest detail of how children as young as 2 months old are sold by their parents into prostitution and about the work they are doing in rescuing the children getting them the surgery they need to correct the internal damage done to them, loving on them and so on, it was deeply detailed and the work they are doing.
As I was listening to that all this pain started rising up in me. I tried to swallow it all back down but it just carried on coming up to the surface. I ended up in floods and floods of tears and someone from the ministry team came over and got me out of there and said ok, what’s going on here? My heart was just torn out of me, that is how it felt. I looked her in the eye and said everything that you heard Patricia talking about in Thailand happened to me right here in this country. I was still in floods of tears, they just would not stop coming. She said God is living in me which means God the Father lives in me and God the Mother lives in me too. He wants me to just hold you and give you a mother's hug and a father's hug, will you accept it? She said I want to hold you like a mother would but you also need a father's hug and God the Father wants to father you and she said God the Father wants to hug you, and He wants to use me to do it. She said God is holding you and Jesus is crying over all that happened too, I see Him standing behind you crying, He is crying over it too. She asked Jesus to just come and put His arms around me and bring me peace deep inside. She kept speaking peace over and over and peace came and a shed load of shame just lifted right off of me. She asked me if I knew Jesus and I said I have walked with Him for 28 years. She asked if I was linked into a church, so I said what has happened at many churches and how I’ve virtually given up on the church. She understood completely and said you need long term support and you deserve to have it, she said the church, generally speaking, does not know how to deal with severely broken people so she did not judge me or condemn me for walking out on the church. She said that she felt privileged to have been allowed to minister to me and prayed that God will bring people across my path who can mother me and father me. As I was walking home I realised a load of shame had gone and that inside I was holding my head high.
The following day something really special happened while I was resting during the afternoon. I was visited by a huge angel. It was a messenger angel with a message for me from the Lord. I was lying in the bed, wide awake, and felt a shift in the atmosphere of the room. It was like a white mist came down from the ceiling and I was aware of a huge angelic presence hovering over me like an over shadowing feeling. It reminded me of Genesis when it talks about the spirit of the Lord hovering over the unformed earth. I felt reassured by it's presence but felt the awesomeness of its presence too as it hovered above me.
After my heart was pretty much torn out of me last night Patricia talked this morning of how they want to work with abused kids and people in the UK as well as in Thailand. My spirit leapt within me and really connected with what they were saying. I wondered where God was leading me on that but had no answer to my questions at that time. Just before the break for lunch Patricia said she was looking for people to partner with them in the work they are doing. I had nothing in my spirit when she said that, so I went back to the hotel to rest and was planning to leave at 7 for the start of the evening session.
Well the angel did indeed have a message for me. The angel had come to tell me to change my plans for the evening and to go back to the conference over an hour earlier. The message was “leave at 5.45 and walk back to the conference centre. You are to go back early because you are to partner with this work, because it is a work and ministry of integrity.” The angel impressed upon my spirit that it is not a bad thing to be broken. Being broken is actually a really good thing and I can put my heart for abused kids into this ministry knowing that the finances will be stewarded with integrity and in that way I am helping abused kids. The angel said to me it is ok to be broken. The angel said that God had seen my heart and was responding to the cries of my heart. I had to see the angel because I wouldn't have thought it was the Holy Spirit, I would have thought it was my own mind, because I had nothing in my spirit earlier. I would have ignored it but I could not ignore that. I HAD to do as I was told, directed, by the angel.
I only came to this conference because I knew I had to be here. The angel said “God has seen your heart and He is responding to your deepest heart cries and is taking great pleasure in your faith and obedience, I’ve been sent to stop you feeling bad about yourself so you can begin to see yourself as good, someone who Jesus loves so much.“ HE sent a messenger to me to change my plans, oh how GOD is so interested in me and every detail of my life. When I was sitting completing the paperwork I suddenly saw the links in the spirit between what happened last night and what I felt in my spirit this morning. I hadn't seen them as linked events up till then.
On the Saturday night which was the last night of the conference Patricia and the rest of the team prayed for everyone at the end. One of the male members of the ministry team came up to me and stopped me, he held my gaze for a moment and said to me “PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, SEEK GOD, SEEK GOD, HE WILL RESPOND TO YOUR DESPERATENESS, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, SEEK GOD”

During the last few weeks of more quiet healing happening, the ways in which I think and see myself, in particular have changed a lot, and there has been a stripping away of stuff and old ways of thinking and being. And now I have my instructions – pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, seek God.

22 July 2009

I LOVE YOU, GOD

HE KNOWS MY NAME - Tommy Walker

THE LYRICS -

I have a maker, He’s formed my heart, before even time began, my life was in His hand, He knows my name, He knows my every thought, He sees each tear that falls, and He hears me when I call, I have a father; He calls me His own, He’ll never leave me no matter where I go, He knows my name, He knows my every thought, He sees each tear that falls, and He hears me when I call. He knows my name, He knows my every thought, He sees each tear that falls, and He hears me when I call. He knows your name, He knows your every thought, He sees all those tears that falls, and He hears you when you call.

MY DAUGHTER I THINK ONLY GOOD THINGS

My daughter I think only good things
When I look upon you my beloved
You are so very precious to me
I cannot think bad things about you

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

I cannot think bad things about you
Because you are so very precious to me
I think only wonderful things about you
When I look at you and admire your beauty

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

I think positive life giving thoughts over you
I speak positive life giving words over you
I plant positive life giving thoughts in your mind
I touch you with positive life giving touch

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

Do not fear my love, my beloved daughter
Do not run away from my love my precious
Receive all the love that I have to give you
For it will heal and restore your broken places

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

You are accepted completely my treasure
Please receive all the love and acceptance
I wish to bestow upon you, my beloved
Don’t board your heart up in fear

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

You are my mighty deliverer and healer
Restorer of body, mind and emotions
You adorn with me precious jewels
From heaven’s own jewellery room

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

You are my help and my mighty avenger
You are my defender and my justifier
You dress me in shimmering white
And put beautiful robes upon me

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

You take my shame and give me dignity
You take my pain and give me beauty
You take me in your arms and lead me
In a very graceful delightful dance

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

Thank you for your precious love my Jesus
Lover of my soul, my husband, my friend
I love to sing and dance with you
I open my heart to your love for me

I love you so very dearly and deeply
You are loved, so loved, so very loved
So preciously loved, deeply loved
I am passionately loving you my beloved
I think and speak only good things about you
My love, my beloved, my treasure

26 June 2009